Writer's Block Help - The Perfect Cure!

Since my last blog entry, I couldn't think of anything to write. I know, hard to believe, but I kid you not. My writers block was more like a brick. I'm not talking legos! Anyway, all of a sudden it hit me like a shoe thrown by an Arab. An obituary! :-)

Yes, I know what you're thinking "Someone died?" And my answer to you is "That's a stupid question." You don't have to wait for someone to kick the bucket to write an obituary... not that I'm saying to kick it for them, because that wont send them to their grave. It's a bucket! So don't waste your time kicking it, that's unless you're not a real writer, but a retarded farmer.

Writer's block effects millions of people, but an obituary can cure this by getting the juices flowing like formaldehyde. So without further ado, here's an obituary I wrote for a bug that I stepped on this morning... It's kind of short.

Cockroach... Dead...

I got my mojo back!

CERN's LHC's quark soup is not edible!

Within the next few months, The European Organization for Nuclear Research, CERN (go figure), will create quark–gluon plasma soup at their particle collider, the Large Hadron Collider.
I know what you're thinking... what's the big deal, right? It's quark! I eat it all the time. Well imagine taking a bite from a quark soup that's more 200 thousand of times hotter than the core of the sun. You know how big that blister will be on your tongue? You wont be able to talk!

From Wikipedia, Quark–gluon plasma or quark soup is a phase of quantum chromodynamics which exists at extremely high temperature and/or density. In case you're wondering "WTF?", read on about quantum chromodynamics which will clear things up. Quantum chromodynamics (QCD) is a theory of the strong interaction (color force), a fundamental force describing the interactions of the quarks and gluons making up hadrons (such as the proton, neutron or pion). Ah, right? It's not cheese! You can't buy it at your local grocery store, walmart, or make it on your own. It's made from colliding protons in huge detectors built to record it before it goes stale!

I know what you're thinking again "I like stale cheese,". Well, it's not cheese, I tell you! How many times do I have to write this to get it through your thick head! Like I stated above, it's so hot it will dissolve your spoon, but if you want to try, go ahead and see if I care. I wont be losing money on silverware! And if you're lucky enough to get a bite, well guess what Einstein, you'll die! DIE!

What am I talking about you ask? Well, no one at the LHC will allow you to get that close to those quarks anyway, or maybe they should so they can watch you go "POOF!" because you couldn't control your appetite. You had it coming!

References:
* Scientists recreate Big Bang 'quark soup'
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cern
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Hadron_Collider
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quark–gluon_plasma
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quark_(cheese)

Karaoke, Dolly Parton, & adult diapers

We've all heard of it, Karaoke. Huh... What is it you ask? For the dummies who asked that question, I'll enlighten you before you risk your life! Karaoke is a music entertainment system providing prerecorded accompaniment to so-so songs that people sing live, following the words on a video screen, while the stage engulfs you as it implodes. That's what happened to me when I started to sing the Dolly Parton song "9 to 5", which might explain why Dolly is strap with safety wires when she performs. Don't believe me? The next time you see her in concert, notice how she bounces on stage. Not her breasts!

Karaoke suppose to be great entertainment, when in truth, it's a death trap! You go up on stage not worrying what you sound like, about to sing your heart out, but instead you scream your lungs out falling, like if you saw your grandma walking around naked, which I don't wish on anyone. When I saw her naked as a kid, not only did I scream, I lost control of my urine, but not when I fell through that stage since she wasn't around.

Karaoke. Don't do it! But if you have no choice, make sure you go to the bathroom before. If your interested, The Depend company makes a line of products for adults who can't hold their urine, like absorbency pads for women and men with both genitalia, or adult diapers for the ones who have never been trained all their life since their mom fell through a stage.

It's a cruel world out there, so don't die wet! No one is going to change you at a Karaoke bar before you go to the morgue. I know I wont!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolly_Parton
http://www.depend.com/products/products_all.asp

The Large Hadron Collider and God

Ever wanted to meet God? You know we don't have a choice. Well before the end of this month we might meet the good lord before he sends some of us to hell. CERN, a laboratory for physicists in Geneva, is about to launch a particle accelerator called the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), 17 miles in diameter, which Nostradamus predicts will end the world, putting the Geneva Conventions out of business, leaving investors high and dry besides dead.

The people at CERN, some who don't believe in God, state they're gonna try to create God at the LHC, except he wont be like the God we know and love, Zeus, or even Buddha. This God will be a severely handicap God, with no arms or legs, making it impossible for haters to tie him to a cross. This God (aka Higgs Boson, not to be confused for bosom) is a tiny particle 100,000 times hotter than the sun, so you know he wont be a happy camper. Who can blame him if he kills us with more than just lightning. I don't.

Black Holes are the most uncontrollable destructive force in the universe, which is why physicists at CERN plan to create them too with the LHC, to witness them in their full glory, a split second before we implode. If there's ever a video that wont make it on YouTube, this is it, but I'm sure someone will surprise us. God?

Anyway, some people fear that black holes produced by CERN might destroy Earth after gravitating to Earth's core, knowing full well that black holes will evaporate by a never before seen hyped theoretical process by Stephen Hawking. Their fears originates from a lost bet by Stephen Hawking back in 2004 where he admitted his theory, Hawking radiation, was in error. An error Stephen corrected to get the desired result, like any good professor who doesn't want to look like a moron, stating that instead of being thrown into another universe if we get sucked into a Black Hole, we'll just burn up and return to our universe in a mangled heated form, similar to toast, to which God will eat us for breakfast. Think God will let us go to waste? Maybe if he doesn't have any jelly.

Another product CERN wants to create with the LHC, that's if you could call it a product before it absorbs you, which means you would have to speak faster than the Chinese (No offense), is a product called Strangelet. You don't want to know what this could do, believe me. Lets just say God wont eat us to avoid an upset stomach, specially since no one will be around to produce Alka-Seltzer.

References:
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Hadron_Collider
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LHC_Safety_concerns
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LHC_Micro_black_holes
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawking_radiation
* Hawking concedes black hole bet
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Losing_an_old_bet
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Higgs_boson_(God_Particle)
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CERN
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LHC_Strangelets
* Nostradamus LHC prediction, #44

Antibacterial Soap & Courtney Love

You probably wont believe it, sometimes I don't believe it, but not once did I write the last few months. Those first 3 blog entries took a lot out of me, like how you feel when you're dying of a virus caught from chimps that smacked you with their feces because you didn't have a banana.

Anyway, every year thousands upon thousands of people get sick from a new strain of virus, which might explain why Courtney Love looks the way she does. I wouldn't want to be caught dead in the same room with her, because I can't run away! Who wants to come back as a Zombie after getting infected? Not me! Because next thing you know we're getting married!

Sometimes a common cold virus, or germ you picked up from someome who recently cleaned their butt, can make you even more sick when your body defenses are weak from washing too much with antibacterial soap. The American Medical Association (AMA) state that antibacterial products, which includes what you use in the kitchen, help create resistant bacteria! Imagine not being able to kill the bacteria you picked up from Paris Hilton. I'm using her as an example since I hear she's dirty, even after showering with Palmolive dish washing liquid.

Regular soap and water gets rid of bacteria easily, by adhering it to the soap’s fatty acids, which become encapsulated in droplets of water and washed away. That's right! The first sentence of this paragraph was lifted from another article, but it's not plagiarism since I'm admitting to this. Think I want to go to jail where I'm forced to wash with Dial? Think again! Courtney might be there!

References:
* The Dangers of Antibacterial Soap
* Old virus causing new disease in United States
* Wikipedia: Antibacterial soap
* Wikipedia: Triclosan, potent antibacterial and antifungal agent
* Wikipedia: Dial soap

Long breaks (Hiatus) are good

You probably all know by now that I took a break from writing. Sometimes a good break, which is also called Hiatus, probably because an African got attacked by a Hyena he owned, prompting this person to take up writing, is good for the mind and soul if you don't own wild dogs.

Hope you all have a nice weekend!

Do you feel like screaming?

Seriously! Have you ever had the urge to scream at the top of your lungs? I'm not talking heavy metal type of screaming, or the kind of scream you might make after hitting your head on the floor due to choking on a pretzel like a certain president everybody calls Chimp. I mean the kinda scream you feel like screaming when you feel all is hopeless, like the whole world is caving in on you, minus the bolders. If you are currently feeling like that, there's a cure. SCREAM!

The only problem with screaming, is that people will think your in physical pain, or your gay. Now there's nothing wrong with being gay, but if someone calls you on it, remember not to say "fuck you", because they might be gay to, who will be very disappointed if you wont have sex or you deny your phone number. Believe me!

So what are you waiting for? Scream till you don't feel like screaming anymore until you pass out amongst friends who know you're straight.

Something to think about

Just for you people who are not currently thinking at this very minute, here's something to think about. No need to thank me.

How is it that Spider-Man can keep shooting webs without getting dehydrated?
My guess it's made of urine, because not one time have I've ever seen him use a urinal in a movie, which could also mean he's wearing adult diapers!


I hate to be in MJ's shoes! Imagine having a boyfriend with urine all over his hands!

Do you think she knows? -->