Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Trees + Alcohol = Flat Faces

Where was my trampoline?
We heard it a million times... Never drink and drive!

What? You want to know what happened to my writing mojo these past few years? First, don't change the subject. Second, there is no second!

Huh? Why then did I write second when there is no second? Third, I don't continue from first, because then you'll be expecting THIRD! See, under the influence of alcohol, you'll be asking crazed questions to someone who's been in a car accident. My intuition also tells me you're thinking about a tree! Not that I hit one, but to chop it down! Don't do that!

That's how I got hurt. A drunk driver hit a tree (didn't chop), and it fell on me while I was climbing a pole. It was crazy as I fell after getting hit in the head. I was hoping for either Tarzan or his buddy Cheata to save me. But as soon as I came to my senses, remembering they're Disney characters, and that there was no stable branches around for them to swing on, I hit the ground.

I woke up a week later at a hospital and saw my mom sitting in a chair with a burley looking plant. She cried with a happy grin on her face when I said "Hi." She then placed this plant on a windowsill, which didn't stay long. Not because someone harvested it, but it fell out. Seeing this I screamed, because I knew no one was gonna smoke it, but get hit!

20 minutes later I had a roommate named Greg. I asked him how his head was, and he said "What?" But I left it at that, because his leg started to hurt. He then asked me why I was there, and I said "like you." He then said "Ok...", wrinkling his nose wierd, which was a sure sign he got hit in the face.

Anyway, you see? It's like a chain reaction that goes from trees, to injuries, and more castastrophies. So stop drinking... put down your axe... and go hug a tree. But watch out for people like yourself who are driving or chopping! I'll get back to your first question just as soon as I get over your following one. Peace!

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